Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Mission

Hello hello,

I'm Cierra and I've recently decided to commit myself to the pro-ana lifestyle. I'm am 21, in my senior year of college, and have never kissed a boy for more than 5 seconds. And I only tried 3 times. I am simply lacking some self-confidence and I've noticed lately that this feeling stems from my extreme dissatisfaction with my body. At 5'5" and 155 pounds, I look quite chubby. I've been unhappy with my weight since the 3rd grade, so for quite awhile. "Diet" doesn't work. I can't seem to eat and not eat a lot..which is a problem. So just not eating actual meals seems best, and empowering. I need to take control over food. btw, I'm writing this after having had dim sum with some friends in Chinatown...totally, sickeningly stuffed. This really can't happen anymore.

 As of now I actually don't have a scale. I want to reach 130lbs, but I'm starting by just seeing how my jeans fit me. I think I'm gonna get a scale on Tuesday though from Walmart or something. My first goal is to lose 4lbs by October 30th, Halloween weekend, so I can look a bit tighter in my costume! I'll follow up with more key milestone dates.

With ana I hope to gain for self-confidence and hopefully attract a guy who's interested in me. This does NOT mean that I want to turn into some kind of whore. There are a bunch of dudes I could have hooked up with but simply didn't want to. I understand the strength I have as a woman. But I know I'd be more attractive without this muffin top, flabby arms and thunder thighs. I like seriously I hate my thighs! I can't go through college without 1 hookup!

With support I know I can do this and finally feel completely happy in my skin. A new me starts tomorrow!

No comments:

Post a Comment