My parents celebrate when I eat. It makes me feel like a failure. The smiles on their faces are signs of defeat to me. I was very good up until 8pm. Only veggies, fruit and some peanuts, then dinner out with my parents. I split a salad with my Dad and had a seared tuna and asparagus appetizer as my entree. Then I get home and have 1 orange, some more peanuts, 4 marshmallows, 1 bottle of Graduate puffs (baby food), 1 apple, and 1 Kit-Kat piece. Damn. No exercise outside today, either. Just 30mins worth of jumping jacks and high knee twists. Probably just 200 calories lost. I'm guessing 1,200 today, versus 500 yesterday.

I need to be more consistent. I need to be happier. I'm very sick of crying at least once everyday, about anything. I want that damn spin bike. It's coming Friday, but we aren't going home until next Wednesday :( I want structure! There are too many seconds in the day! Too much time to think, cry, and eat! When we get home my days are going to be as such:

wake up & take diet pill (11am)
eat breakfast (11:30am)
spin for 1 hour while watching TV (12:30pm)
shower (1:30pm)
study for GRE for 2 hours (2pm)
take diet pill (3:30pm)
eat lunch (4pm)
spin for 1 hour while watching TV (5pm)
study for GRE for 1 hour (6pm)
eat dinner? (7pm)
spin until bedtime (9pm)
shower (11pm)
sleep (2am)

STRUCTURE! Love y'all. XO.