Monday, December 19, 2011


Wow, it's been awhile. Sorry. I've fallen again. I'm officially out of the 130s club. I'm at 146.2, as of this morning. I know I'm not happy. I need to do something about this. I've been getting this overwhelming need to binge after work. Its unbearable, yet so thrilling too. As soon as I get in my car to leave at 5:30, I start to plan. First I'll stop at Wendy's and get a double cheeseburger with mustard and onions, fries, and a rootbeer float. I won't bring it home, oh no. Let's just pull over and eat it all in the Home Goods parking lot. Ok, thanks done. What about pizza? Yea pizza. 2 slices from a place in town. I'll sit outside in Princeton and eat that. Well we must have dessert. 3 cupcakes from the best dessert place in town. Finished in less than 5 minutes while sitting in front of my TV. Still not full. A panini, yes that's what I want. Quick run outside to grab a sandwich from Panera bread, then into CVS for a box of Easy Mac because now I want something cheesey. Know I sit, try to go to sleep, whatever. There's barely any remorse, until the next morning when I catch myself in the mirror while getting dressed for work. It's awful. So jiggly and you can really see it in my face. No wonder no one wants to hang out with me at work, or invite me to a party over the weekend. It's just like high school and college, all over again. I'm never the pretty one, the popular one. Just the mildly funny, caring chubby girl. It's awful. I keep saying I'll stop, but as soon as I get home, it starts again...5 or 6 different meals within 2 hours. I think I'll try putting on my skinny jeans instead of my PJs when I get home. Well then that means I have to go straight home from work and not stop for please help me stop. I feel so awful, I look awful, it's affecting my mood at work. I don't want to see anyone. I hate this and I don't know how to stop. My sorry for not updating more often. But my life is just depressing right now. I'll be better about updating every Friday, because that's when I weigh myself. I'll try. I must try harder.

Sorry. XO.


  1. 146.2? that's one of the lowest weights i've ever had if it makes you feel any better AND you're taller than me. how does that sound?
    </3 awe, love. we can be there for you if you want. FOOD is ADDICTING. it's not your fault at all.

    -Sam Lupin

  2. I've been stuck in a binge cycle as well. So hard to get out of it, but we can do it!!
    Hope you are well. <3


  3. Is everything ok? Did you have a good holiday? Just checking in...